


Eggcellent

by dragonashes



Series: Quintessence: Undertale One-shots [11]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Spoilers - Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:04:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9142180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonashes/pseuds/dragonashes
Summary: A trip to a farm store to pick up supplies for some of the less humanoid monsters turns weird when Sans discovers...something.He's not really sure what it is, but that doesn't stop a scientist!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year!

Sans ignored the echoes of Papyrus’s loud voice, getting distant now as the rest of the group ventured further into the feed aisle.  Instead, he focused on the...the _thing_ in his hands.

It was small, fitting comfortably within his phalanges.  It didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that his ‘palms’ weren’t entirely fused, and had wrapped its feet - some sort of talon, but not sharp enough to do damage - around one of his metacarpals.  It was making a high-pitched squeaking noise, echoed by the other similar things in the plastic bin below.

Carefully, not wanting to damage or distress the thing, Sans lowered a distal from his other hand onto its back.  Two flat-ish appendages shot out from its sides, beating against his hands.  It didn’t seem injured, thankfully, just...surprised.  The squeaking noises intensified.

Raising and lowering the hand holding the thing produced similar flailing, and he deduced that it was trying to regain balance.  He stopped, and the thing settled back down.  He tilted his head to one side.  The thing tilted its head as well, but in the other direction.

It was...avian, as best as he could tell, but so unlike Red or the other bird monsters that it seemed almost too strange to be real.  He’d seen surface birds before, sure, but only in the distance.  This one seemed so much more alive, puffing out its speckled brown fluff and settling into the warm magic radiating off his hand.

The thing’s beady little eyes blinked, slowly, and Sans watched it carefully.  He kept his hand completely still.  The blinks grew closer and closer together, finally blending into a long, squint-eyed look, then...sleep.

The squeaks from the other things in the plastic bin below had settled down as well, and Sans took a moment to examine them.  They looked, from his vantage point, like little balls of brown and yellow fluff.  None of them had the feathers he expected from birds, but then again, none of them appeared to be able to fly.  The best they achieved was a kind of wing-flail, like he’d seen earlier from the one in his hand.

“What’re you doing?”  Asked Frisk from the vicinity of Sans’s elbow.  He jumped, startled, and the thing on his hand squeaked in protest.

"uh, just lookin’.  hey, what do you call this?”

Frisk peered at the plastic bin, then walked around the other side and read something off a sign.  “An Araucana.”

“huh.  looks more like a bird than a snake.”

Frisk snickered into her sweater sleeves, completely ignoring Sans’s glare.  “Araucana, not _anaconda_.  It’s a type of chicken.  Oh, huh.  It says here that it lays...blue or green eggs.  Neat!”

Sans looked at the thing with greater appreciation...and suspicion.  Another quick glance into the bin showed that there were no eggs, but…well.  “how do they lay eggs when they’re so tiny?  they’re hardly bigger than eggs themselves.”

“Well, yeah.  They’re just chicks - baby chickens.  It says here they won’t lay eggs for about five to seven months or so, and they’ll be bigger by then.”

“...how big?”  Visions of a giant fluffball chasing a car down the street flashed behind his eye sockets, and he kept a tighter hold on the thing.

Frisk consulted the sign again.  “About five pounds for the roosters - those are the boys - and about four pounds for the hens.  The hens - girl chickens - are the ones that lay the eggs.  These ones should all be hens.”

“cool.”  He stuck the thing in the pocket of his hoodie for safekeeping and walked off.

“Wait!”  Frisk grabbed his sleeve, bouncing on her toes.  “Are you...are you going to _buy_ a _chicken?_ ”

“sure.  why not?  sounds like it’ll be useful.  you like eggs for breakfast, right?”

Frisk’s smile grew dangerous.  “This will be the BEST PET EVER!”

“yeah, sure.”

“We can call her…”  Frisk peered intently at the tiny chick, which was just poking her head out of Sans’s pocket.  “Pudgy McEggenstein!”

“haha, _what?_ ”

“We’ll take over the world!  It’ll be great!  C’mon, let’s go find Mom.”

Toriel was a little less enthusiastic about the purchase, but the nervous glances of the store associates - unsure of what to make of a pair of skeletons, a large anthropomorphic goat, and an extremely determined child in their sleepy little farm store - convinced her.

“You’ll be taking care of it, Sans,” she warned.

“okay.”

“You won’t pawn this off on your brother.”

“okay.”

“...Or Frisk.”

“okay.”

“But I want to help take care of Pudgy McEggenstein!”  Frisk protested from her position atop one of Papyrus’s shoulders.

“Very well, my child.  But please remember that an animal is a very big responsibility.  It requires food and water and loving care to grow up big and strong.  Oh, how big do they get?”

A store associate stepped forward and, with a slightly shaky smile, regurgitated all the information she knew about the care and keeping of chickens.

Toriel nodded along, carefully making a list of what was needed.  It wasn’t much - chicken feed, a water dish, something to keep the chick warm, and some dried grass - and Toriel reluctantly concluded that she could afford a chicken.  After further consultation she even agreed to get a few more chicks, on the grounds that they could keep each other warm and provide more eggs at minimal additional cost.

Frisk insisted that Pudgy McEggenstein be the only Araucana, though, so the others were yellow.  Everyone was confused that the yellow chicks were called “New Hampshire Reds,” because they were most certainly not red, but the store associates assured them that the feathers would be reddish when they grew in.

Sans just shrugged, making sure to keep a close hold on Pudgy McEggenstein.

“Can I pet her?”  Frisk asked, back on solid ground.  Sans held the chick out, and Frisk carefully rubbed two fingers over Pudgy McEggenstein’s head.

“B-be sure to wash your hands after,” a sales associate said, eyeing Frisk.  “You don’t want to get salmonella.”

Sans wanted to ask what salmonella was, but Frisk just nodded gravely.  “It’s an infection,” she explained to him in a whisper.  “It makes you sick - mostly diarrhea and a fever.”

“oh.  sounds...messy.”

“Yeah.”  Frisk didn’t seem too worried, though, so Sans just shrugged again.

He helped Tori load up the feed she’d purchased (using magic, of course; he was too lazy to actually lift a finger) and rounded up Papyrus.  Papyrus was still in near-speechless awe of the many different kinds of animals he’d seen, so he didn’t try to run off again.

Just outside the door of the store, he heard a gasp.  A little boy who looked younger than Frisk was staring, wide-eyed, at Sans.  A woman in jean overalls tugged at his hand, but he resisted.

“What happened to _you?_ ” The boy asked, sounding more impressed than concerned.  The woman shushed her kid and muttered an apology at Sans, looking very embarrassed.

Pudgy McEggenstein shifted in his pocket, her beak brushing his fingers.

“salmonella,” Sans said, winking at the kid.  “don’t forget to wash your hands.”

The boy nodded, looking a little terrified, and allowed himself to be pulled into the store.  Sans could hear Frisk snickering into her sleeves all the way back to the car.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies; this one isn't one of my better or more plot-heavy stories, but it's the only one in my one-shots queue that isn't extremely depressing. After this, it's back to the sad stories...probably until I post my first multi-chapter story. Hooray!
> 
> My family has had chickens on and off for much of my life, and got another batch of baby chicks a few months back. Pudgy McEggenstien is a real chick, though of a different variety. Araucanas are just my favorites. They do really lay blue and green eggs; my family has some adult hens, and the colors are shocking.
> 
> THANK YOU to everyone who's been going through my stories reviewing and/or leaving kudos! It warms my cold, dark heart. Never thought I'd write this, but in the spirit of the new year...does anyone have any writing prompts? I make no promises to fulfill the prompts (inspiration can be sporadic), but if there's something folks want to see I'll take it under consideration.
> 
> Posting schedule is still Wednesdays and Saturdays. I'll be posting one-shots until my longer works are ready, so if you want to see more please keep an eye on my author profile or the series, "Quintessence: Undertale One-shots."


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